I So Hate Consequences

Now playing: Relient K - I So Hate Consequences
via FoxyTunes

How am I to believe that everything is going to eventually fall into place?
nothing Seems to ever go Right for me. I always get the feeling that things are eventually going to fail in the end. I have never let myself believe that feeling, but i am starting to think that i should, even if the complete and utter pessimistic side of it all drives me to the brink of destruction.

I have always lived with the belief that things always happen for a specific reason and purpose in life, i never Truly ever really believed In God, partly because I never could and still Can't believe that someone With so much Power and who was Supposed to be filled with Good could let me Continue to live the life i lived With out any way out or Any other option but to take all the shit that was thrown at me. Half the time i couldn't Handle it, I still can't handle Things well at All.

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like i really wasn't even given the chance to try and "grow up." but i guess in the end i never really had a chance in the first place. The funny thing about life is no matter how many chances a person gives you they will never forget or see past the first chance they gave you. They will always see you as that person until they leave... or something happens and they change. But change is sometime to slow, it takes up to much time, and one day you wake up and everything you changed for is gone... with no promise of Return.

all in all, Milkshakes melt and People change and I hope that I do change into the person that everyone so desperately wants to see me be. I want to just be Me, but i can't honestly Say i know who I am or who i am supposed to be. I know who i have been and The majority of the time I haven't really truly liked the person I have seen Staring back at me in the Mirror.

There is nothing i want more then to go back and change who i was and how my life turns out, but i never will be able to. I will never forget and I will always regret.
That i Know for a Fact.
I will regret what i lost and how I lost it. I will never forget the love in my heart that Screams at me every hour of everyday... i may be able to Quite the screaming but i don't think i will ever truly get it to shut up.

I am going to try. I am going to be better, faster and with better results.

I am gonna try as hard as i possibly can and i am going to Face the problem head on this time. I don't know how it is going to work, or how it is going to work out in the end, hell it could be a completely diffrent ending then either one of us thinks. which is prolly what will happen, Neither one of us can predict the future, and really no one can so I am going to stop being silly and mopey and sitting around wondering and get up and do something.

We both weren't happy with the way things were. You thought it was what you wanted and i thought I could handle it. I don't Know how this is going to work cause i know it is going to tear me apart but i am gonna try. I don't want to be miserable but i also don't want you to be miserable as well. I wish there was a middle ground but i just can't find one. I can't leave and i don't think you can leave me alone either.

I need to quite the screaming , i need to get Better.
I don't want to cut this out of my life and just throw it under the rug.
I don't want to lose someone i care about, Even if that means completely ignoring the feelings i have.
I need to find Me, I need to be the person you expect and want me to be. And i am going to try as hard as i Can be to be Her.
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Now playing: Kelly Clarkson - I Hate Myself For Losing You
via FoxyTunes

Do you remember how we met?
Silhouetted by the lights...
You were drunk and tried to take a mental picture with your hands
I was thinking about that
And a bunch of other things
Stop looking at the floor...
I need to pour out this expansive dose of words.

I can't explain...
I need to be alone.

I know the timing isn't great
But these things, you just can't plan.
I just need a little time
So I can find myself again
'Cause I get buried underneath
All the things they think you are
And I'm too tired to pretend it doesn't hurt
To be left out

I had a pocket full of dreams
But I gave them all to you
Now I think I want them back
So can you tell me if I'm crazy or confused?
Don't ever change
The way you are
I've never loved anyone more.